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Death to Normalcy

Monica ● Level 20 ● INFP ● Vegetarian

I am currently training to run my first half marathon and raise money for RAINN! Please consider clicking here to donate to my campaign. ♥

This is my personal tumblr, which is mostly comprised of crying over attractive people and wailing about puppies. I'm currently chronicling my journey of overcoming abuse, PTSD, depression, anxiety, and learning to love myself by living a healthier lifestyle on my health and fitness tumblr.

Check out my art website here or my art tag here.

You can buy my art here or here.
Commissions are open and available here.

This is my convention schedule so you can check which cons I'll be selling my art at! :)

If you're looking for something, check my tags or send me an ask at any time! ♥

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I got a cute dress today! uvu I can’t wait for it to get a little warmer out so I can wear it more~

I start training for my half marathon on Tuesday! I can’t wait! :D

Jack got a new phone so we finally got around to figuring how snapchat works and

reasons #2 and 3 why i had a great valentine’s day uvu

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A 4-inch difference in my bust, a 3-inch difference in my waist and hips, one torn meniscus later, and six months of progress!

It makes me so happy to compare these pictures and I realized I’m literally an inch away from the goal measurements I made six months back and I can’t even handle that ajshdgdjf

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Today has been really hard for me mentally so I’m posting these to remind myself how far I’ve come. ♥

Tomorrow is six months progress for me! uvu

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I just woke up from a nap from a little while ago and my hair is gross and I haven’t done my eyebrows in a while and I haven’t been able to work out at all for the past week because of my torn knee

But I don’t care cause I feel great and I’m still super cute and I’m proud of all the hard work I’ve done for the past six months c:

newsflash: i’m super cute uvu ♥

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I tore my meniscus last week so this has been my life. :(

this is what i keep bitching about :B

And my bit in the coffee table book! uvu

I’M IN THE GISHWHES DESSERT BOOK HAHA OH MY GOD

I’m by “my favorite wish cake!” C:

Look how cute I was as a five year old ♥ go broncos!!

Ahh I got to see this beautiful lady this weekend when she came up to visit me!! 

Alex and I have known each other since we were goofy five-year-olds and she is just a darling and I love her so much! ♥

It was so nice to see her because we’ve always inspired each other with our art and it’s so great to have someone to bounce your creative ideas with uvu

So this year we’re gonna try and hold each other accountable with working on our comics and art and things and just generally encouraging each other with being productive!!

It’s gonna be great I have such a fire under my butt now to work on things! c:

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CA R R OT S

we went grocery shopping today and

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The Godric Badge

Changing your ways can be scary, and it takes courage. Share with your followers an inspiring story of how you or someone you know overcame a fitness, wellbeing, or lifestyle hurdle and tag it #stormthecastle for all to see and be inspired by. Then, boldly claim your badge! 

This is something I’ve been planning on sharing today, since today marks 5 consistent months of living a healthy lifestyle, and now that Storm the Castle is happening it feels even more appropriate! c: 

Here is my story of four years of recovery:

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2010:

  • I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship that lasted for over a year. During that year, I was abused physically, sexually, emotionally, and mentally almost every single day.
  • I developed a severe reaction to depo provera birth control shots, which caused me to rapidly gain over 40 pounds within a few short months. The highest number I ever saw on a scale was 189 pounds, but I’m positive I went over 200. (I’m about 5’8” tall.)
  • Because of my rapid weight gain, my abuser spread rumors I was pregnant.
  • While I don’t know that I ever developed a binge eating disorder, I did frequently binge eat and I had a very unhealthy relationship with food because I believed food could not hurt me.
  • I self-harmed frequently.
  • I was severely depressed and purposefully isolated myself from everyone and everything.

2014:

  • I have been diagnosed with and receiving treatment for PTSD, depression, and anxiety since September 2013.
  • I have been actively living a healthy lifestyle since August 2013, which has allowed me to reclaim bodily autonomy.
  • I have a wonderful relationship with food. I have been a vegetarian since November 2013.
  • I have not self harmed in over 2 years.
  • I have been in a wonderful relationship for over three years.
  • I am currently in the best shape I have been in my entire life, and I will be running my first half marathon in August of this year.
  • I am learning to love myself more and more every day.

I remember when I first saw the pictures that were taken in 2010, that was the first time I was aware of the weight I had gained. It felt like a slap in the face—and it was just another thing I had to recover from along with my mental health. That following summer I began developing healthier eating habits and making an effort to exercise more. I lost about 25 pounds by fall semester. However, I was severely traumatized by the abuse, and was unable to process everything that had happened to me, so I remained in a very unhealthy state of mind. 

My depression grew worse and worse after I graduated high school in 2011. I felt constantly out of control. I was triggered all the time because I didn’t know how to not be bothered by those things. My depression finally took root in my eating habits, and two of the strongest beliefs I had about myself was that I did not deserve to be happy and I did not deserve to eat.

I lived in this perpetual state of depression and anxiety all the way up to summer of 2013. I alternated between wanting to eat all the time and not letting myself eat at all, and my weight yo-yoed along with it. 

Somewhere along the way, I decided to try being healthy again, and to really educate myself about what I was doing. But after a particularly nasty trigger episode, I realized I really couldn’t get better on my own, and I started seeing a therapist. 

I’ve talked a little bit about my therapy over here, but essentially it allows me to process things in a healthy way without being re-traumatized, and to desensitize pervious triggers. 

Today, I am strong and healthy. With my therapy, healthy lifestyle, and physical fitness, I am learning how to truly love myself and my body more and more with each day. 

While I might not yet be a super ripped beast yet, I still can’t believe the difference between my 2010 and 2014 pictures. When I first dug out the 2010 pictures, it was physically painful for me to look at them, because I knew how much pain I was in back then. I hardly recognized myself when I first saw them.

Now, I look at my pictures from today, and see the love I truly have for myself. I see someone who is healthier both mentally and physically than I ever thought it could be possible for me to achieve. I see all the things I have overcome and survived. I am a survivor. I am a warrior.

I am a superhero. ♥

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Today is 5 months! :D

I’m not as toned as I was before the holidays but that’s cool cause that’s what happens c: and now I can get back into my routine and get that muscle back!

psst i’ll also be posting another progress set today of the last four years and talk about my story as well uvu ♥

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I did my makeup really nice for the first time in a while and I feel really cute uvu ♥